Demian by Hermann Hesse and W. J. Strachan

Author:Hermann Hesse and W. J. Strachan
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pushkin Press
Published: 2024-04-15T00:00:00+00:00

V

The Bird Struggles Out of the Egg

My painted dream-bird was on its way in search of my friend. In what seemed a miraculous fashion a reply had reached me.

I was in the classroom during the break between two lessons and on my desk I found a piece of paper tucked in my book. It was folded in the customary way we had for the notes we wrote each other during class. My sole surprise was as to who could be sending me a note of that kind, for I was not in that sort of relationship with any of my school-fellows. I thought it would turn out to be an invitation to take part in some school rag in which I would refuse to be involved, and I placed the paper, unread, in front of my book. It was not until the lesson had started that the note found its way back into my hand.

I fidgeted with the paper, unfolded it casually and saw that it contained a few words. I glanced at them; a phrase pulled me up short; I panicked and read on, my heart contracted in cold fear before my fate. “The bird is struggling out of the egg,” it read. “The egg is the world. Whoever wants to be born must first destroy a world. The bird is flying to God. The name of the God is called Abraxas.”

After reading over these lines several times, I sank into a deep reverie. There was no room for any doubt; it was Demian’s reply. No one except he and I knew about the bird. My picture had reached him. He had understood and was endeavouring to enlighten me. But what was the connection? And—this was what troubled me most—what was this Abraxas? I had never heard or read the word. “The name of the God is called Abraxas.”

The lesson passed by without my taking in a word of it. The next began, the last in the afternoon. It was taken by a young assistant master who had just come down from the university. We liked him because he was so young and did not assume any false dignity when dealing with us.

We were doing Herodotus under this Dr Follen’s guidance. This reading period was one of the few items in the curriculum that interested me. But on this occasion I was far away. I had opened my book mechanically in front of me but was not following the translation. I was deeply immersed in my own thoughts. Furthermore I had on several occasions tested the correctness of Demian’s remark made to me during a scripture lesson in the old days. If you wanted something strongly enough, you achieved it.

Thus when I was very preoccupied with my own thoughts during a lesson, I could be quite quiet and the master would leave me undisturbed. True, if you were inattentive or sleepy you would suddenly find him standing by you—that had happened to me already. But if you were really thinking, really absorbed, you were protected.

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