Break in Case of Emergency by Brian Francis

Author:Brian Francis
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins Canada
Published: 2019-07-28T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 23

I make my way down to the lake. There are all kinds of rocks and stones I have to navigate around, and my ankles flop this way and that. At one point, I almost fall, but I grab a low-hanging tree branch and steady myself. Soon, the sound of water gets closer and the sky starts turning purple, then dark pink.

Across the lake, there are trees and other people, still sleeping at this hour, or maybe awake. But I don’t see any lights. The lake is a black mirror of everything around it. I see the boat, a flash of silver poking out from under a tied tarp. It’s upside-down.

It’s going to be a beautiful day. I look up at the leaves and think of the lace tablecloth that Grandma Kay used to put out for Christmas dinner. It’s been packed away for years. Grandma Kay never uses any of her nice belongings. Her china has been sitting in the cabinet for as long as I can remember. She didn’t even bring it out for dinner the other night. Not that the company deserved it. The way Arthur spoke to Grandma Kay was terrible. To show up, after all these years, and use those words?

More than anything, I’m hurt. He barely said two words to me, his own daughter. He didn’t ask what my favourite colour was or what I was taking in school. He didn’t say anything about my hair or my eyes. He didn’t apologize for never contacting me. For not coming back.

He didn’t say sorry for pretending I didn’t exist.

And now that I know that, now that I’m left with the cold fact of him, I understand that it would’ve been better if he’d stayed away.

Because now I can’t dream about him.

I untie the tarp and pull it off the boat. I flip the boat over, half-expecting an animal to come racing out. Nothing does. But it’s filthy and wet and smells rotten. This isn’t what I wanted at all. This doesn’t fit into my plans, this crappy, stinky boat. I don’t want to die in filth. I look around to see if there’s another boat, but there isn’t. I almost start to cry, but I manage to stop myself.

“Don’t lose sight of the big picture, Toby,” I tell myself. “Keep focused on what you need to do.”

But why, even at the end of my life, can’t I have just one thing that I want? Why am I always denied every time I reach for something?

I walk back up to the Richardsons’ cabin. I think about going into the woods, but I don’t want animals to find my body. I don’t want to be torn apart by bears. Then I think I’ll do it inside the cabin. But what if my body starts to smell? What if they can’t ever get the smell of me out of the air? So I’ll have to do it outside. On the back deck, on one of the lawn chairs. It’s not what I wanted at all, but it will have to do.

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