The Lilac Notebook by Carol Balawyder

Author:Carol Balawyder
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: sexual abuse, incest, starry night, murder investigation, pole dancing, alzheimers symptoms, parental alienation, electra complex, early alzheimers, university friends
Publisher: Carol Balawyder

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Holly awoke startled, not knowing where she was, what day it was, nor what year. Her head was filled with visions of herself bathing in a lake. She closed her eyes to capture the image before it faded away. Her dream of swimming slunk its way back into her unconscious mind. She was swimming away from the house she lived in when she was a child. There she was passing by houses that made her wonder about the lives inside. The backyard of one house had a dollhouse she wished she had. Then she was on a bike, an electric blue bike her father had bought her for her tenth birthday, and wandered farther from her neighborhood, beyond its boundaries, feeling like a tourist.

But where? Where had it gone to? Where do these images and actions disappear to, she wondered? Does memory simply fade away like melting snow?

She wandered into the kitchen of her downtown apartment and plugged in the coffee machine. Her mind was still on her dream. She recalled attending a few meetings of the Jungian Society a few years ago out of curiosity and to take away her boredom. She must have been in her early thirties then. She had told them about a dream of swimming in the ocean.

“You’re so lucky to have such a dream,” said many of the psychologists and psychiatrists at the meeting.

What did swimming in a dream mean? And how did these interpretations come about? Who decided what a dream meant? Some said it was a sign of feeling loved and secure. Yes, she had always felt secure. Her childhood had been a loving one.

There was her mother swimming towards her telling Holly not to go too far for she was afraid that Holly might drown.

Now, Holly felt like she was on the brink of drowning.

Dreams were a lot like her disease. They vanished as quickly as her thoughts.

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