The 27 Club by Nichol Lucy

Author:Nichol, Lucy
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Lark
Published: 2021-03-03T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 7

‘You say tomato…’

‘There’s a bit of a difference between cystitis and syphilis, Dave. It’s not just how you pronounce them.’

‘But you told me you had...’

‘Cystitis! I have cystitis!’

‘Sorry, Emma. I got it wrong, OK.’

I tried to imagine the number of people who, at this moment in time, believed I had syphilis. I winced at the thought of the cat calls. The names. Syphilitic Emma. V D Barclay. I mean, who gets words like that confused?

Claire mentioned they’d been taking bets in the factory on who the prime suspect was. Who’d given me the poisonous dose. Apparently the sycophant was in the running. Jesus Christ – did they really think that badly of me?

I tried to shake the thoughts away. Who cared anyway? It wasn’t as though I’d always had dreams of climbing the ranks of a caravan firm. I wanted to be a criminologist. I wasn’t even sure I wanted that promotion. I might get a new job and never have to see them again.

Dave wasn’t his usual self at all that day when he’d called over for a quick cuppa. He was far too quick to apologise. And he hadn’t had any fun with the STD confusion. I thought he’d be creasing about that and giving me even more grief. But he wasn’t. He was pretty quiet, actually.

The last time he sounded like this was after England’s defeat against Germany in Italia 90. Or was it? When I think about it, he didn’t sound so great on the answerphone message he left me this morning.

Something was amiss. I could tell.

‘What’s up, Dave?’

‘Ah. Nothing really. I’m fine.’

‘Oh right. Got a lot of work on at the minute?’

‘Yeah, it’s going OK.’

This was awkward. Our conversation was never awkward.

I tried to get the banter going. ‘Did I tell you about the Jack Rabbit vibrator bloody Claire got me. Honestly, Dave, I’ve never been so mortified. She got it out in the middle of…’

‘She’s a cracker that one.’

‘Is that all you’re going to say? Did you not hear me? Claire presented me with a purple vibrator with rabbit ears right in the middle of..’

‘..I heard!’ Dave snapped at me. He never snapped at me.

‘Dave, what’s up?’

‘Nowt. I told you. Anyway, I’ve got to get off.’

He stood up to leave, but I wasn’t having any of it. This was not the Dave I knew.

‘Sit back down!’ I ordered. He looked resigned and defeated. He sat back in his seat, rolling his eyes.

‘You better tell me what’s going on Dave Chapman or I’m not letting you out this house.’

‘I’ve just been a bit under the weather, that’s all.’

‘How so?’ I asked.

‘Just, you know, a bit achy and stuff. I thought it was the flu.’

‘Bloody man flu.’ I joked, instantly regretting it when I saw the look he shot me. ‘Shit, sorry mate. Seriously, are you OK?’

‘Well, the aches and pains never did turn into anything fluey. And when I thought about it, they were concentrated mainly in one place.’ He said, whilst kind of nodding to his nether regions.

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