Siege of the Seven Sins by Emily Colin

Author:Emily Colin
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Blue Crow Books

32

Eva

I stare at him, speechless. Of all the words that have passed between us, those three have never left our lips. They’re both too forbidden to contemplate—perhaps the most forbidden phrase that a Commonwealth citizen could utter—and too simplistic to express what exists between us. We have fought, lied, and killed for each other, shared our deepest secrets. Is that love? I have no way of knowing, but taking in the desperate expression on Ari’s face, listening to the shattered sound of his voice, I would do almost anything to make things right. To the nine hells with my decision to be cold to him, to push him away for his own safety. I can’t look him in the eyes and be so cruel.

But if I can’t push him away, then perhaps I can make him decide to go.

Swallowing hard, I voice my deepest fear. “How do you know if you even want me, Ari—if what you feel for me is real? Maybe it’s because the bond started to form before we knew it existed; maybe it’s some kind of skúmaskot coercion. When it’s broken for good, after the ceremony with Jaxon, maybe you’ll feel nothing for me at all.”

He runs a hand through his hair, making it stand on end. “Just because I don’t know how to handle my feelings doesn’t mean they aren’t real. I need you, Eva. When you’re not with me, I’m less, somehow. But if we’re together, then maybe—”

He looks so miserable, it undoes me. I unclench my fists and take a step forward, wanting desperately to make things better between us, to change them. To give him hope. But how can I? Every day, I feel the beasts stirring within me, becoming increasingly restless. The line between them and me is blurring so that sometimes I can’t tell if a thought is mine or theirs. True, my training with Jaxon hasn’t been productive—but it’s the best option I have. If I keep Ari with me as my familiar, I’ll injure him badly, maybe even kill him; if I choose him over Sebastían, I’m prioritizing myself and my own desires over the success of the revolution.

If I break my own heart, it is my own to tend, I’d told Mei. But Ari—how can I justify hurting him this way?

“It doesn’t matter what I want,” I tell him, firmly enough that I almost believe it myself. “It’s like I said the other night—this isn’t just about the two of us anymore.”

His eyes lock on mine, the expression in them fierce. “What about what I want, Eva? Does that matter to you?”

I draw a deep breath, willing myself not to lose my temper. Inside me, the beasts give a low, warning growl at his anger, which they perceive as an unwelcome ploy for dominance. He is ours, they say. Yet he is challenging us. Desperate, I order them to be quiet. What will I do if they try to break free and attack him? Is such a thing possible? There is so much I don’t know.

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