Heavenly Hindsights: How One Mother Found Meaning in Life After the Death of Her Child by Linda Kolsky

Author:Linda Kolsky
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2021-12-23T17:21:12+00:00

My Journey to Understand

While this section of Patrick’s journal highlighted his manifestation efforts, the attitude he carried with his friends continued along the “using” relationships timeline. He had not yet made the connection between how he viewed his relationships with friends and his drug use. Despite his successes, he still retained those limiting beliefs about friends that I had imprinted on him during his daycare years. His high school accomplishments were impressive, but they didn’t help him see that he wasn’t different from anyone else. He still carried this with him. As mentioned earlier, this was one of my primary childhood problems.

It took me about forty years to figure out that my thoughts on friendships were limiting beliefs. Had I paid attention, I would have seen the causal effect on my son’s life. This wasn’t his problem. He had a completely different childhood than I did. There was nothing about his life that would have prevented him making good friends. In my effort to be a “good mother,” I didn’t want my son to suffer in the same way I had, but first I had to create the problem for him so that I could then make him aware of it.

One really needs to be careful with what we teach our children. They absorb everything and become like sponges. In order for Patrick to understand this at age three, he had to somehow create a friendless environment for himself. Now he understood!

Truth be told, I have since discovered that I didn’t really have a problem with friends, either. My childhood was one of criticism and a sense I was unlovable. What this really meant was I did not love myself. Criticism can do that to children. It creates an inability to love oneself. When we possess little or no self-love, it is difficult to believe that anyone anywhere will find us likable.

The fact that some people do like us, despite the roadblocks we put up, should be enough to make us step back a minute and think. But if these feelings are harbored for too long of a time, they become a limiting belief and, if not addressed, will begin to form the emerging personality. After years or even decades of continued existence, not only have we forgotten why we feel the way we do, we also become addicted to the emotions of these beliefs, making them even harder to shed. We then organize our lives so thoroughly around what we believe, we don’t even know we have issues. This is a messy problem to solve!

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