Crazy Is My Superpower by A.J. Mendez Brooks

Author:A.J. Mendez Brooks
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Crown/Archetype
Published: 2017-04-03T16:00:00+00:00

The entrance to my first wrestling training school on a street where it was easy to get shanked in broad daylight.

Anyone who knows me knows that the best way to ensure I do something is to tell me that I can’t. That’s how I learned that dolls will surely melt in a microwave and domesticating a squirrel can be dangerous. And so my first few paychecks went to putting a down payment on wrestling school. The owner, though doubtful of my ability to actually survive the training, was kind enough to let me pay in installments. Every two weeks a portion of my check would go to putting myself through wrestling training, a fact that my mother wasn’t all too happy about. Upon seeing me come home covered in welts and bruises after my first two days of training, she let me know exactly how she felt.

“We have bills to pay here and you’re wasting money letting guys beat you up. Have you thought that maybe you’re too fragile for this?”

I moved out soon after. In choosing to start over, I had to reevaluate my relationship with my mother. For so long I had put her needs before my own. I had been the kind of kid to get slapped and thank her for the lesson. I had worried about her mental state while completely ignoring my own. I knew so much of her behavior was due to her disorder, but I couldn’t be sure how much. Had her bipolar caused her to hurt and doubt me? Had it been in control when she put her pain before my father’s and ended up in the hospital the week of Grandpa’s death? Was she secretly happy I was back under her control even if it meant going nowhere in life? I couldn’t help but resent the situation. I didn’t know what was appropriate to feel. Can you be mad at someone for being sick? All I knew was that I needed space. I didn’t want to resent my mother. It was bipolar disorder that became my greatest enemy, not her, I hoped. I would do my best to provide her with the help she needed, but what I needed was distance. I gave myself what I needed despite her wishes.

Erica needed a roommate, and I was making enough money to (at least try to) pay half of the rent. Having to still help my parents with their bills and pay for training meant that we were stretched a little thin. Sure, we didn’t have cable, I slept on a couch in the living room, and we ate plain rice for every meal, but hell, we were surviving on our own. After a lot of trial and error, Ma had found a particular regimen of medicine that controlled her disorder and wild mood swings, and for the first time I felt like it was okay to put my needs first. But after a week of training, I began to worry that she had been right about my chances for success.

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