Worth Fighting For: Love, Loss, and Moving Forward by Lisa Niemi Swayze; Lisa Niemi

Author:Lisa Niemi Swayze; Lisa Niemi
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Tags: Internal Medicine, Motion Picture Actors and Actresses - United States, Caregivers - United States, Medical, Pancreas - Cancer - Patients - United States, Family Relationships, Bereavement, Entertainment & Performing Arts, Patrick - Health, Grief, Family & Relationships, Personal Memoirs, Death, Swayze, Niemi, Biography & Autobiography, Lisa
ISBN: 9781439196380
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Published: 2012-01-03T08:00:00+00:00

Snowed in at Rancho de Dias Alegres in New Mexico.

Chapter 13

DARK NIGHTS, GRACED WITH SNOW

WE WERE JUST a few days away from Christmas when we got home from surgery at Stanford, and I made impromptu plans to have my family over to our house on Christmas Eve, and Patrick’s family on Christmas Day, like we always celebrated it. It was harder to organize because, up to this point, I had been able to run out and do errands, or whatever, for a few hours, leaving Patrick on his own. Donny was initially surprised that I could do anything. I supposed it was imagined that Patrick was something of an invalid. But he was active, completely capable, and thinking clearly. Well enough to shoot an entire TV series! And if something came up, he could always pick up the phone. But that was changing now. Postsurgery he was feeling quite weak, and it was hard for him to get around. He was also managing his pain much more with medication, and it made him cloudy.

We were learning a whole new way of dealing with pain medication. Pretty much his whole life, Patrick didn’t like taking any kind of painkillers. I always thought it was a little ironic that he could drink himself into oblivion on occasion, but refuse to take half a Vicodin when his knee swelled up like a Zeppelin. But, like he said in another one of his famous magazine quotations, “I’m a contradiction, and it’s okay!”

As I mentioned previously, he didn’t take any pain medication at all while he was on the set of the series. And when he did, it was on an as-needed basis. That was wrong, we were now told. When managing this kind of pain and discomfort, you need to stay on the medication. You don’t want the pain to get out of control before trying to bring it back to something more tolerable. It’s much more effective to nip it in the bud before it gets going. This was completely against how we had approached it in the past, and it was a difficult transition for Patrick because, like I said, he didn’t like to feel he was relying on anything. He wanted to be able to take it or leave it, and staying on medication religiously made him feel a little like a victim and nicked his pride a bit. But we listened to this advice, and once Patrick decided he wanted the relief, we adapted to this whole new approach.

Between the meds and his feeling frail, I didn’t feel comfortable leaving him now unless someone was nearby to watch him. What if he started feeling bad? Needed something? What if he got dizzy and fell? This amped-up concern made things more difficult and more draining. Not having the freedom to just run out to the grocery store brought an additional pressure. I started having to plan when I could take trips to run errands and take care of other crucial items.

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