Witch Out of Luck by J Thompson

Author:J Thompson [Thompson, J]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: J Thompson

11

Bas circled the calendar, his tiny feet eating up the steps as he walked around and around it. He eyed it, as well as he could considering his right eye was swollen shut, and he did have a small limp. He would give it to the ginger tosser, he knew how to fight. Although the grunts of “this was not in the Queensberry rules” got a little tiresome.

“Why is it vibrating?” Binky asked from the other side of the room. He was as far away as he could be and had a helmet on. Where the hell he got a helmet that fit him, he had no idea. A helmet, glasses, and he had a roll of bubble wrap on standby. Where had Bas been brought to? This place was crazy and then some. But the ginger twat and the boss-eyed pigeon were the least of his worries.

“I haven't a clue,” Bas admitted.

“Are we telling the girls?” Grundlepus asked from the chair, where he had his back leg raised and was cleaning his balls.

“Do you have to do that now?” Bas snapped. It was a sight he didn't want to see ever, never mind in the midst of an approaching apocalypse.

“Yes, I do. You got dirt and blood on me. I need to clean myself thoroughly or else I cannot focus,” Grundlepus answered, his posh accent back. When they were fighting, he could have sworn he heard a touch of Black Country.

“And to answer your question,” Bas began, “I have not told the girls yet. They are still bonding and doing girly stuff.”

“Ha, that’s what you think,” Binky snickered from the corner, as he started to wrap himself in the bubble wrap. “I saw your witch heading down to the cavern— hand in hand with a kracken. Or should I say tentacle. ARSE.”

“What?” Bas stared at the bird, but it was the ginger that answered.

“Definitely hand. He has no tentacles in human form.”

“Ahh okay, wanted to get it right. My etiquette with krackens is lacking.”

“Hang a fucking trout,” Bas shouted. “Where is Izzy?”

“Boinking a Kracken,” Binky answered.

“Looking to make a few waves,” the cat crooned, then snorted.

“Hey, do you two think this is funny?” Bas rubbed a paw over his face. “She didn't come here to get—”

“Jiggy with it?”

“Get it on? Boom chicka wow wow,” Binky continued.

“For fuck’s sake, is it always this mental here?” Bas asked no one in particular, and sat next to the calendar. It vibrated a touch more, so he leaned against it, using it to massage his back. If it was going to go boom, they were screwed anyway, so may as well make it useful.

“Pretty much. Both Maeve and Arietta were getting some whilst shit was going down,” Binky admitted. “But as daft as it sounds, those girls need those men in their lives.”

“But they have us,” Bas argued, though his voice didn't hold any conviction.

“I know, but they need more,” Grundlepus stated and looked at Binky. “DO NOT SAY IT.”

“Say what? More dick? BASTARD.

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