Where's My F*cking Latte? (and Other Stories About Being an Assistant in Hollywood) by Nemcoff Mark Yoshimoto

Author:Nemcoff, Mark Yoshimoto [Nemcoff, Mark Yoshimoto]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Glenneyre Press
Published: 2007-05-14T00:00:00+00:00

The Senior Studio Executive (SSEX)

Thanks to a friend who had moved out to California a year before me, I got a job as the second assistant to a SSEX. My qualifications, he said, made me the ideal person for the job. I never realized my Ivy League degree in English would be my ticket into the entertainment industry.

I showed up for work, ready to learn the ropes, ready to make copies, run for coffee, pick up dry cleaning, whatever it took to work my way up the ladder from my entry level position. My boss was out half of the day in meetings, and I waited for the first assistant to teach me how to answer the phones correctly since I figured that would be my domain as well.

“That’s my job,” she said. “(SSEX’s name deleted) will explain your job when he gets back.”

After lunch, my boss finally arrived, storming into the office, shaking my hand for the briefest of moments before disappearing behind closed doors. It was the first time I had even met him, since my job interview had been done over the phone. While he was briefed on the goings-on by the first assistant, I sat out front, flipping through the same copy of Variety I had practically worn out while waiting all morning to be told what was expected of me.

Finally, the first assistant came out.

“He’s ready for you now.”

Entering my boss’ office, I was immediately floored by how big it was. Photos, awards, movie posters adorned nearly every inch of wall space. My boss gestured to the seat in front of his massive desk.

“Sorry, it’s been a crazy day,” he explained. “Some heads may roll because of the (movie title deleted) debacle.”

Immediately, I thought of my job security. Was I going to be out of a gig before it even started? My boss, however, could read my mind.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “Not my head.”

I smiled, not wanting to tell him it wasn’t his head I had been worried about. I could tell by the grin on his face he was happy about whomever it was that was going to be fired.

“Your qualifications are outstanding,” he told me. “I’m very pleased you took this job.”

All of a sudden, I had visions I was being groomed for some kind of executive position, that maybe nobody asked me to fetch lunch or deliver tapes because that would be beneath me. I was to be vaulted above the average assistant. No wonder the first assistant had been so cold to me all morning long.

My boss took a family photo from the credenza behind his desk. He handed it to me. Along with himself and a beautiful wife I thought I might have recognized from an old TV show, were two children; a boy and a girl. Everyone was smiling.

“These are my kids,” my boss explained. “They haven’t been doing so well in school, and that’s exactly where you come in…”

I could feel the key to the executive washroom slipping from my fingers.

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