The Darwin Awards III: Survival of the Fittest by Wendy Northcutt

Author:Wendy Northcutt [Northcutt, Wendy]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Non-Fiction, Humor
ISBN: 9780143001980
Publisher: Penguin Group New Zealand, Limited
Published: 2003-10-26T05:00:00+00:00

For more information about the dramatic effects of cultural memes, read Jared Diamond’s treatise of human history Guns, Germs and Steel, and Deborah Tannen’s classic communication book That’s Not What I Meant.

The Darwin Awards play a small role in creating and reinforcing beneficial memes. In the stories that follow, you will be reminded that gasoline is not a cure for head lice, that caged lions are dangerous, that driving amid distractions on a windy mountainous road is not a good idea, and that unlicensed plastic surgeons are bad news for bored housewives.

DARWIN AWARD: BASS ACKWARDS

Unconfirmed by Darwin

26 MARCH 2001, FLORIDA

Woman attempts to make a bigger ass of herself . . . and succeeds.

Many women wish to reduce the size of their posteriors, but a select few are more interested in enhancing it. One such woman, a fifty-three-year-old Fort Lauderdale resident, had exhausted a number of less invasive home remedies such as wearing padded layers of underwear, and moved on to surgical intervention.

She persuaded an unlicensed, underground “plastic surgeon” to boost her derriere by pumping it full of silicone in the comfort of her own living room. Shortly thereafter, hospital officials contacted police to report the suspicious death of the needlemarked woman, who had been delivered to the emergency room by rescue workers after suffering breathing difficulties in her apartment.

Reference: Reuters

DARWIN AWARD: THIRST FOR DEATH

Unconfirmed by Darwin

18 JANUARY 2001, NEW ZEALAND

She was dying for a cuppa.

The west coast of New Zealand is threaded with narrow, windy mountain roads that climb and descend the hills at improbable angles. A Christchurch driver with little patience for those dangerous curves was preparing a hot cup of tea in her car when she learned one last lesson about respect for the road.

Nothing, but nothing, could keep her from her afternoon tea that day. Well, all right, one thing could keep her from her tea. Karma. While she was trying to brew a cuppa, her car plunged over a precipice and into a creek. The woman was found dead three days later, still holding a box of tea bags, with a mug wedged against the steering wheel and a thermos of hot water beneath her feet.

There were no brake marks on the road.

Reference: New Zealand Press

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