Jacob's Ladder by Katie Ashley

Author:Katie Ashley
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Katie Ashley Productions

Chapter Sixteen: Emersyn

As the lights dimmed, it plunged the auditorium into darkness. The twangy introductory music came on, signaling the start of the show. Closing my eyes, I desperately prayed for strength to make it through the night. Everything within me felt raw and ravaged. I would have given everything I had to be miles and miles away from here.

It wasn’t just about the agonizing anticipation of what Jack’s tribute might be like. Something was weighing much heavier on my heart and my mind. It had been brought on by the incessant questions by the reporters about the status of Eli’s and my relationship. After working overtime to set them straight, I had realized I needed to somehow do the same with Eli.

Although I had tiptoed around coming out and actually saying there could never be anything more between us, I knew Eli realized what I was alluding to. The struggle and pain in his eyes had gutted me. But then it hadn’t made me feel better when he agreed with me. “Exactly. I mean, we are performers, and the video was just another form of performance.”

Just another performance. No, it hadn’t been that for me. It had felt natural and right, and it was no wonder that’s what fans saw as well. There was a ridiculous voice in my head that wanted Eli to fight for me. To argue that come hell or high water we should give a romantic relationship a try.

But he didn’t.

And now it felt like the walls were caving in around me. I didn’t know how to deal with the swirling storm when I couldn’t talk to Eli. Although I should have called my therapist or confided in someone on the road, I kept everything buried deep inside. In the end, the flicker of our changing relationship had turned into an inferno that threatened to engulf us, and after I feared we’d be consumed, I’d sacrificed my heart.

But in spite of all the emotional turmoil I was experiencing, I wouldn’t allow myself to fall apart. Not here. Not now. Not yet. I owed it to both the band and myself to keep it together. I shut out the clamoring negativity in my mind and focused on the show.

It became easy to lose myself in the musical performances and awards. When Gabe’s name was announced for Songwriter of the Year, I became a happy, blubbering mess when he broke down on stage thanking Rae for being his ray of light. I couldn’t have been happier for any two people than I was for them.

In the euphoria for Jacob’s Ladder’s success, I’d almost forgotten Jack’s tribute. But before the remaining three awards were announced, the president of the CMA came out on stage with a somber expression. “This year the academy lost one of its greatest songwriting talents. Jack Wallace penned more than twenty number one hits for country’s biggest stars. His songs were filled with the hardships of day to day life as well as the highs and lows of love and marriage.

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