Biff: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Em by Bill Eddy LCSW Esq

Author:Bill Eddy LCSW Esq. [Eddy LCSW Esq., Bill]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: High Conflict Institute Press
Published: 2014-09-15T00:00:00+00:00

Negative Advocates

But suppose that Jake really did talk to the neighbors and told them how unreasonable Kim and Vic were. Suppose that he sent two of their neighbors an email. This is a common behavior of HCPs, who often aggressively recruit “negative advocates” (other people to advocate for their negative solutions, emotions and behavior) in an escalation of their conflicts. Otherwise, they fear they may “lose” the dispute without an army of advocates on their “side.” They automatically assume that everyone else is doing this, so they are often fast and aggressive in the process of recruiting negative advocates.

Of course, they don’t see that they are doing this and will deny it if confronted about it. It seems natural and ordinary to them to find advocates, rather than to find positive solutions between the parties involved. And it’s especially easy to do these days with Facebook, Twitter and other social media. You can add and lose friends instantly with the simple click of a mouse! This gives HCPs a great feeling of power and they often use it instead of solving problems.

Jake didn’t hesitate for a minute after receiving Kim and Vic’s email, before he sent an email to the two neighbors with a copy of Kim and Vic’s BIFF response. He also copied Kim and Vic on his email, as if to show them how bad they would look to the neighbors if they didn’t do what he wanted.

Hi Joel and Max,

The other day I spoke to you about the tree problem and you were both sympathetic to my problem about my blocked view. After courteously asking Kim and Vic to remove the tops of their trees, look at the response that I get. They take no responsibility for this problem and want to involve strangers in our neighbor issue. I can’t believe it! I hope you will help me convince Kim and Vic that they need to just get this done. It’s going to ruin all of our property values if we let them do this to any of us without any respect for their neighbors.

Respectfully,

Jake

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