4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication in Love, Life, Work--Anywhere!: A How-To Guide for Practicing the Empathic Listening, Speaking, and Dialogue Skills to Achieve Relationship Success by Leal III Bento C

Author:Leal III, Bento C. [Leal III, Bento C.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2017-04-16T16:00:00+00:00

I’m a trained fixer

They wouldn’t be telling me about the problem if they didn’t expect me to help fix it

I’ll offer my fix-it solution and

They’ll implement the solution, solve the problem, be grateful to me for my great advice, and I’ll be a hero!

In my case, having quickly cycled that scenario through my brain, I would likely say to my wife, “This is what I think you should do…” And before I’m finished, she says, “Why do you always try to fix things when I’m talking to you? Why can’t you just listen?” Whoa, I stop in my tracks. But wait a minute, I don’t understand, when she told me about fixing things around the house, those were problems I was expected to fix. Telling me those problems was instruction enough that I was being asked to get them fixed. But telling me this other kind of problem was apparently not a fix-it situation.

Here’s what I’ll often tell my class: “Some people are trained fixers. You tell them a problem, and they think you’re doing so because you want them to help you fix it. If you want them to just listen to you, then tell them so. Say something like, ‘I’m having a problem at work and I want to tell you about it, but I don’t want you to fix it, I just want you to listen.’” Then the fixer is off the hook—they are not expected to be in fix-it mode but in listen-mode only. And if you’re the fixer, to your surprise you may find that your listening itself actually helped them fix their own problem because you enabled them to vocalize their problem, hear themselves speak, get a clearer understanding of their issue, and come to their own conclusions as to what needed to be done. In other words, you provided a sounding board for them to work out their own solution.

When to use Empathic Listening Skill:

The topic is very meaningful or significant to you or the speaker, and/or

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