The Misadventures of Nero Wolfe_Parodies and Pastiches Featuring the Great Detective of West 35th Street by Josh Pachter & Otto Penzler
Author:Josh Pachter & Otto Penzler [Pachter, Josh & Penzler, Otto]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Goodreads: 49648768
Publisher: MysteriousPress.com/Open Road
Published: 2020-04-14T00:00:00+00:00
âThe manuscript? Haig, youâre telling me you want the manuscript?â
âYou find my fee excessive?â
âBut it wasnât even lost. No one took it. It was next to my bed. Iâd have found it sooner or later.â
âBut you didnât,â Haig said. âNot until youâd cost me and my young associate the better part of our holiday. Youâve been reading mysteries all your life. Now you got to see one solved in front of you, and in your own magnificent library.â
He brightened. âIt is a nice room, isnât it?â
âItâs first-rate.â
âThanks. But, Haig, listen to reason. You did solve the puzzle and recover the manuscript, but now youâre demanding what you recovered as compensation. Thatâs like rescuing a kidnap victim and insisting on adopting the child yourself.â
âNonsense. Itâs nothing like that.â
âAll right, then itâs like recovering stolen jewels and demanding the jewels themselves as reward. Itâs just plain disproportionate. I hired you because I wanted the manuscript in my collection, and now you expect to wind up with it in your collection.â
It did sound a little weird to me, but I kept my mouth shut. Haig had the ball, and I wanted to see where heâd go with it.
He put his fingertips together. âIn Black Orchids,â he said, âWolfeâs client was his friend Lewis Hewitt. As recompense for his work, Wolfe insisted on all of the black orchid plants Hewitt had bred. Not one. All of them.â
âThat always seemed greedy to me.â
âIf we were speaking of fish,â Haig went on, âI might be similarly inclined. But books are of use to me only as reading material. I want to read that book, sir, and I want to have it close to hand if I need to refer to it.â He shrugged. âBut I donât need the original that you prize so highly. Make me a copy.â
âA copy?â
âIndeed. Have the manuscript photocopied.â
âYouâd be content with a ⦠a copy?â
âAnd a credit,â I said quickly, before Haig could give away the store. Weâd put in a full day, and he ought to get more than a few hoursâ reading out of it. âA two-thousand-dollar store credit,â I added, âwhich Mr. Haig can use up as he sees fit.â
âBuying paperbacks and book-club editions,â our client said, âit should last you for years.â He heaved a sigh. âA photocopy and a store credit. Well, if that makes you happy â¦â
And that pretty much wrapped it up. I ran straight home and sat down at the typewriter, and if the story seems a little hurried itâs because I was in a rush when I wrote it. See, our client tried for a second date with Jeanne Botleigh, to refresh his memory, I suppose, but a woman tends to feel less than flattered when you forget having gone to bed with her, and she wasnât having any.
So I called her the minute I got home, and we talked about this and that, and weâve got a date in an hour and a half. Iâll tell you this much: if I get lucky, Iâll remember.
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